Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
