I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
