Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
