I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
