I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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