I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
