don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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