so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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