every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
