I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think i have two assholes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
