My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
