I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
