I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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