His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
