idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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