yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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