my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
