Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
