Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Mom said you looked used
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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