I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
