my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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