So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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