i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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