He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
