Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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