Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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