just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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