She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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