so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
