it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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