its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
