in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
