is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
