she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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