smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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