this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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