Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
