someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
