you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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