Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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