I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
