its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
