sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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