$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
