Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
