you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
