if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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