I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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