dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
