When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
