You kept calling me your small dog last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
