Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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