We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
