You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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