i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
