if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
