well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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